Once I loved a Lord with a roguish eye And his hearts were fancy free. We would climb the rocks in the Wilderness In a land called Gallifrey.
It was there, he vowed, he would be true And would love no other but me. But alas, Time Wind Vortex Vertices Wooed my Lord away from me.
I can still see him standing by the door Of his wondrous Space/Time machine. "I'll come back to you and to Gallifrey." "I'll come back ... so wait for me."
Some claim my Lord is a Renegade. One WHO must ever be free. But my hearts know he needs just a bit more TIME And the SPACE to come back to me.
For I still see him standing by the door Of the TARDIS he claims as his own. "I'll return to you, little flutterwing." "I'll return to you ... you must believe.
Now I walk alone The Panoptican With a tang of mint in the air And I mourn the days here on Gallifrey And my Lord who won't be there.
Yet, I still see him standing by the door As he smiled and winked a goodbye. "I'll be back for you, favorite Prydon one. I'll be back, you look for me."
Won't you come back, Tom Baker? Won't you come back? Oh ... how the months drag on. It's been too long and lonely Since you've been gone. Please do another con!
We miss those crowded lobbies. Lines two miles long. Too high to miss the sleep I'd lack. Without you, life's a sham. Tom Baker, won't you please come back?
Won't you come back, Tom Baker Won't you come back? Dealers, they too miss you. Miss all your smiles and laughter. And ... by the way ... They miss their monies too!
Remember the lines to greet you? And that applause From young and old across the map? We'd hop a bus or plane And wait in sun or rain Tom Baker, if you'd JUST come back.
(spoken softly) PLEASE!
1) My Time Lord died last fall Now he's decomposing in the TARDIS hall. Dead Time Lords aren't much fun. Oh ... no ... no.
CHORUS:
Dead, dead, dead, dead Time Lords; Dead, dead, dead, dead Time Lords; Dead Time Lords aren't much fun.
2) The Master said his days are through. He wants to put my Doctor in a stew. Dead Time Lords aren't much fun. Oh ... no ... no.
3) They don't come when you call. They won't play Cricket Ball. Dead Time Lords aren't much fun. Oh ... no ... no.
4) He never goes out ... he only stays in. There's a Universe 'out there' but I'm stuck here with him. Dead Time Lords sure aren't fun! Oh ... no ... no.
5) I'm but a companion so I can't fly this ol' machine. This morning K9 bit me! Sure could use a Time Ring. Dead Time Lords aren't much fun. Fun ... fun ... fun???
1) The world's a funeral in roles played by our friend. He seems to hold a strange attraction to "The End." As that Grim Reaper waits for scripts this actor's in. There must be Fifty Ways To Kill TOM BAKER.
2) A dirge or wake might help you if you're thunder struck From seeing films that shower TOM with rotten luck. While watching painter Moore get flattened by a truck. --1 You'll think of Fifty Ways To Kill TOM BAKER
CHORUS: Blow up a small plane, Blane. --2 Poison and then shoot, Luke. --3 Push him off a ledge, Ted Like Anthony did. --4
3) Rasputin thought he knew how to put off being dead. But poison doesn't mix with bodies filled with lead. --3 We'll watch poor Koura turn the fountain pretty red. --5 And count the Fifty Ways To Kill TOM BAKER.
4) Poor Hassan realized one of man's greatest fears His final plane ride split the passengers and gears. --2 And now he can't give, "... Seventeen more glorious years." Add 'Moore' to the Fifty Ways To Kill TOM BAKER.
5) They say a cat has, enviably, nine long lives. But for the script writers who planned Our Man's demise And all the people who served up poor Lynch with knives. There still were Fifty Ways To Kill TOM BAKER.
6) That gloomy day when the best Doctor fell so far. How many times he played his scenes upon death's door. One must recall the times he came so close before. While counting Fifty Ways To Kill TOM BAKER.
7) And now, even with early films and "Who" behind. There isn't much that's changed within the viewer's mind. Did Sir Guy pull the arrow out, or did they find --7 Another Fifty Ways To Kill TOM BAKER?
8) Someday they'll build a Hall of Fame for those we've seen Who die so frequently upon Stage and Screen. And in the heaviest ledgers that fill it serene You'll find the Fifty Ways To Kill TOM BAKER.
CODES: --1. Vault of Horror --2. The Curse of King Tut's Tomb --3. Nicholas And Alexandra --4. Logopolis (Doctor Who) --5. The Golden Voyage of Sinbad --6. The Mutations --7. The Zany Adventures of Robin Hood
Sing me a song of VORTEX. Of TIME RINGS, RASSILON, and PARSECS. A song that will speak of the magic of three. My love ... the TARDIS ... and me.
The path of TIME LORD NUCLEI Will teach us the right way to fly. It's all that I want in TIME/SPACE ... and it's free. My love ... the TARDIS ... and me.
Always you TIME STREAMS are beckoning me. I hear the sounds of alien melodies. The TARDIS can change fortnight into today. Oh, carry us away, carry us away! My love ... the TARDIS ... and me.
If our TIMES could end perfectly. I know how I'd want it to be. GALLIFREY'S gift would be made up of three My love ... the TARDIS ... and me.
Always you TIME STREAMS are beckoning me. I hear the sounds of alien melodies. The TARDIS can change fortnight into yesterday. Carry us away ... carry us away! My love ... the TARDIS ... and me.
It's all that I want in TIME/SPACE ... and it's free. My love ... the TARDIS ... and me.
All the people seem to stare at me As if I had some kind of disease I sit alone and cold on a park bench Knowing I’ll never be at ease
Beside me, there sits a young man With his manic topaz eyes shining at me He looks into my heart, telling my heart Look upon him and believe
The world stays still for that last minute In time His smile is enough to freeze this wound Of mine I know by now, that I’ll never ever be alone Knowing that his whisper is a sacred tone
The perfect song I’ve been looking for For so long
But that day will dawn When he comes along